I'm convinced that some people talk just for the pleasure of hearing their own voices. Thinking aloud, making odd gestures and noises, pulling movie quotes out of their ass when it's not relevant to the conversation at hand (or any conversation had in the last 2 years), and my personal favorite: asking questions that any conscious living person could figure out on their own should they have half a brain. Such questions include, but are not limited to, "Where's the milk?" and "what happened to my shoes?". One might think these are natural questions to inquire about.........after one has been SEARCHING for these items for quite some time. But when they are asked while your ass is sitting on the couch or while in a part of the house they would not be (say, the bathroom or the driveway), then it causes the listener to naturally fume with rage.

Perhaps your shoes are in the closet where most normal people house their shoes. And just maybe the keys are on the key rack that has been hanging by our door for 2 years. Could it be possible that the milk is in the fucking refrigerator?

Flush it Down, Brown.

My cat likes to drink out of the effing toilet because apparently he does not like his water bowl that I clean and refill with fresh filtered water every freaking day.

Why can't I drink the fresh water either? It's given to me everyday.... but I generally opt for the toilet, too. Rather than taking and running with what is given to me free of charge, I keep seeking out the filth that just makes me rotten inside. Am I conditioned that way? was it learned? I don't know. I need to stop drinking from the toilet.

I have GOT to learn Photoshop!

Thanks to Paul, I do own Photoshop, but dang... I can't work this type of magic yet!! I need to get with the program. Oh and by the way.... does Faith really look THAT bad in the original photo???? Sweet Jesus.

Marketing Geniuses!

So for those of you without the pleasure of receiving my myspace bulletin, here is a gem that I found yesterday: A "Kwik-E-Mart"!! Technically a transformed 7-11 in an (awesome) attempt to promote the upcoming Simpsons movie. There are only 11 of them in the US and one of them is here in Orlando. I just happened to drive by it yesterday and had to turn around for a picture. They sell Buzz Cola, Krusty-Os cereal, pink frosted donuts, and slushies-- sadly, I could not find any Duff Beer. Regardless, how cool is this?

No Grunting Allowed

Somewhere, some place in any gym you go to you will see a sign that explains that loud noises and/or swearing is disruptive to others trying to work out around you. You'd THINK that this was common sense-- who REALLY grunts while they work out?!?!? I mean, besides the creepy bald guy at MY gym... who, despite, the posted "no grunts, swearing, loud noises" allowed sign, continues to make the most offensive noises while he is bench pressing. I swear he is doing it on purpose... nobody makes those sounds uncontrollably.... do they?? and is it a coincidence that he just happens to always be on machine near ME?!? I hate you bald creepy grunting bastard, I hate you!

P.S. I googled creepy gym guy and up came this pic of carrot top.... what a FREAK!

Lookie at what I found!

Just randomly growing in my yard!!! Pink Lillies!!!!

"Hey, snakes were fuckin' demselves long before Adam and Eve showed up, T"

sigh, Paulie... I will miss your insight most of all. R.I.P. Sopranos.

White Pizza??? White LIE!

I'm pissed. I never ever ever order out. The other night I wanted pizza like nobody's business. We have a Donatos around the corner and it was pouring out so we figured that was the most convenient. I logged onto their website- the fact that they spelled "tomatoe" wrong should have been a red flag, but I pushed on. To my delight I saw individual WHITE pizzas!!! My favorite kind that I never ever get to have because Matt likes all the meats and nobody can do a half white half regular pizza... so I was in heaven. For once, we BOTH get what we truly want! The pizza arrives and this is what it looks like. What a pathetic attempt at creating the divine white pizza. This is simply cheese and freaking bread ok?! A WHITE pizza has WHITE cheeses bubbling out of every pore. This only had mozzarella!!! Not even any garlic, WTF?!?! Talk about metaphor for my life. I never allow myself to really have what I want (ie: pizza all the time), and the ONE time I order out and actually order what I really really want, this piece of crap is what I get instead. Poetic.

BillyD = Billy Douche

My quasi-cousin Paul created this to use in his photoshop class that he teaches. What a pussy. (Billy D, not Paul)

Just Say No...

To roaches!! Oh my GOD, GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was thinking today on my way to Barb's BBQ as I saw countless love bugs splatter on our windshield... why do we regard SOME bugs as "acceptable" or even "cute" (ok, maybe it's just me). As in love bugs.... I mean, who hasn't caught a love bug in their lifetime? Or how about a lady bug... roly poly? What makes us think that some bugs have a place in our society? while others are vile creatures who deserve a painful neurological death by way of Raid? Have you ever 'raid'ed a lady bug? I don't think so. Is it because they have cute names? Why are roaches so disgusting????? Why when I see one in my kitchen, I almost faint? As my friend Pete once said, "I would jump through fire to escape a flying cockroach". I concur. I shutter just looking at this cartoon image. Are they really vile creatures, or have we been trained to think that way? Ugh. I hate them.

Get Lost...

I did!!! So it started a few weeks ago when Matt said he wanted to start watching LOST. I refused. I simply don't have time to pick up a TV show after it's been on for like 3 seasons!!! Then I remembered something interesting: I have nothing BUT time, so I said OK. That was three days ago. In the past 72 hours, I have spent about 24 of those hours sleeping, and 12 of those hours curled up on the couch watching Season 1 and I'm only like 1/3 of the way through! There are SEVEN disks to Season 1!! After the first disk was over, I demanded more. Our blockbuster didn't have it, so we had to drive to another one. Thank God they had disc 2 and 3. Finished Disk 3 tonight. Just 16 more hours left of Season 1, then I will move onto Season 2. I think I'm an addict. Now I feel like I have my foot in the door of the exclusive club of LOST watchers. You know those people.... who are always asking, "hey dude, do you watch Lost?". I would be willing to bet either YOU have asked that question to someone, or someone has asked that question of YOU. Now you can ask ME!!! but please wait at least 150 more hours.

You're Invited to a....

B.Y.O.C. (complaint)! Here's mine: Both Matt and I graduated from good schools, we work hard, pay our bills, are fully involved in our own careers, and we have no children. So… why am I watching a television set that is 15 years old that used to belong to my mother? Why, as I type this post, am I sitting on a broken ass couch? Why do I put my clothes away in a dresser set that used to belong to my sister in 1985? Why do I sit on a vanity stool (also passed down by my mother) that doubles as my cat’s stratching post, and why is my shoe holder propped up with a hanger? I will stop there because I honestly just threw up in my mouth a little. So please tell me. Why can’t I afford better things? Why do people I know purchase a new bedroom set every single time they move? Why do they have granite counter tops? They barely have jobs. Will there ever be a time when I look around the house and see NOTHING that used to belong to someone else?

El Avocado Preciado :)

Dearest Avocado, where have you been all my life?! As I get oldER, I am finding that I am craving foods I've always told myself I hated.

Recent discoveries include (not limited to) beans (black, refried), black eyed peas, and red wine vinegar. Some weird force drew me to these foods like a pregnant lady to pickles- I couldn't describe it. Now-- there are some foods that I will never go near despite how badly my body wants to try them: mayo, sour cream, mustard, jelly, seafood. Mainly because I want to gag when I think about them, but also because I am a teenie bit afraid I will like them, and I kinda like things the way they are.

So anyway, my latest revelation: AVOCADOS. I heart them!! on everything- and I absolutely cannot get enough of guacamole- not the creamy dip kind, but the chunky mashed up avocado"y" kind with peppers, onions, cilantro. Here is a good (and simple) recipe I've found that I make often. I am still searching for others. This one claims to be the Chipotle recipe (which undeniably has the BEST guac ever!) but sadly it's not as good... but still my go-to recipe at home. Got a guac recipe to share?

1 large ripe avocado peeled,pitted (I use two smaller avocados)
2 teaspoons fresh lime juice
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro

1/4 cup finely chopped onions
2 cloves garlic, finely minced
2 large serrano chilies, seeded,chopped (poblano peppers work good, too!)
1/4 teaspoon salt

Mash up avocado with a fork or electric mixer.
Add lime juice.
Add all other ingredients and blend well.
Serve with tortilla chips (lime flavored are yummy!!)

I'm a Fab Summer Wife...

It's just during the year I suck. I didn't really realize this until I started noticing how much Matt kept referring to how great the "summer" will be.... and won't it be nice when I am out for "summer" And "summer" can't come soon enough... and well, you get the idea. The sad part is, he's right. Summer WILL be great. I will be home, decorating and updating our house, cooking dinner, tending to the childre... I mean cat, doing crafts, reading, actually paying attention to my husband! I can't wait to get back on track. Summer-wife RULES!

Mother's Day + Heart Pendants = Why?

Why is Mother's Day synonymous with buying busted gold heart pendants?!?!?! Seriously...the mall jewelry stores must plan all year for their annual ug*i*ly heart necklace campaign. How WILL they outdo their competition?! Zales knows! A heart with a mother and child IN the pendant... brilliant.

Pollination is an important step in the reproduction of seed plants... or so says Wikipedia.

Pollination seems pretty simple to me. I mean, if there's pollen waiting to be moved, a willing pollinator waiting to move it, and a receptive flower stigma... then what is the problem? I'll tell you the problem: pollinators such as bees, butterflies, hummingbirds, moths, some flies, some wasps, and nectar feeding bats don't know and/or don't give two craps how much plants benefit from their unique miraculous maneuvers. They are just selfishly concerned with meeting their own energy requirements for survival. They are painfully unaware that part of their existence is to be spent fertilizing these flowers in order to help them develop seeds. There is no communication between the pollinator and the pollinated. I look outside and I don't see any bees, wasps, nectar feeding bats. Instead I see a bunch of lonely flowers who will never get the opportunity to develop seeds...