UH-MAZING

Rainbow Pancake

Recipe courtesy of Amanda Rettke
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon white sugar
1 1/4 cups milk
1 egg
3 tablespoons butter, melted
1 tablespoon flax seed
1-6 drops food coloring per color choice (I use gel coloring, which requires a fraction of the amount of
regular food coloring)
Directions:
In a large bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, salt ,sugar, and flax seed. Make a well in the center
and pour in the milk, egg and melted butter; mix until smooth.
Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle,
using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot.

Attention Non Attentive Moms of Walking Children

Warning: Rant Ahead!

First let me begin by saying I am a mom of a non-walking child (for maybe a couple of more months). I don't live in your shoes. I don't know, yet, what it's like to run after a kid on their feet. However, I do comprehend the meaning of 'annoying' and 'lack of discipline'.... and when you let your kid run around like a maniac in a social setting harassing people around them, it's all I can do to keep myself from tripping your precious snot nosed ankle biter! It is annoying when I take my infant child to story time at the library and you let your walking child run around the room while my baby is trying to pay attention (ie: stare) at the lady reading the book. It is annoying when your walking child has found his/her way to my diaper bag where they start taking stuff out of it forcing me to deal w/ your child while you sit clueless on the other side of the room (again, during story time). It is annoying when your walking child is climbing on everything and causing a rucus (yes, during story time!!). Why are you even AT the library? Better yet why are you crashing the infant class where the good moms are sitting on the floor with their kids listening and singing songs w/ Mother Goose? (the lady who runs Tiny Tales- her name not mine!). Oooooh, I know why... because this is your time to socialize with OTHER moms who are there not watching their walking children...I get it. Here's a thought, either put your kids on a leash, or teach them how to act in a library. That does not include ripping books off shleves and throwing them on to the floor, climbing up on stacks of chairs, and/ or running and being loud. Yes, I realize they are just "babies" and don't "know better" but ......um........when do you think would be an appropriate time to teach them? Just sayin. Believe me, I am not on a high horse here... my kid can be just as annoying- but when it becomes an issue of me not being able to control it, I TAKE MY KID OUTSIDE. This is not an occurance that exists only inside library walls...no, no..... this happens at the park, at the grocery store, bookstores, starbucks, the list goes on. I think a lot of this mommy angst stems from being a teacher of 8-9 year olds where the annoyance factor runs HIGH and if you don't nip those annoying behaviors as soon as they start, then it's like letting the genie out of the bottle. So please non-attentive moms of walking children, do us other moms a favor and take your kids to a chic fil a playplace where you can sit inside and ignore how annoying your child is being toward other adults and children through the glass....because why waste the time and energy of actually TEACHING them?

Sincerely,
Short Fuse

Today's Realization:

I'm fucking fat. The End.

Status Update. Mirror to the Soul

I am a Facebooker by way of Myspace. I guess I am a Myspace transplant. Like many of you, I too, began my superficial 'networking' journey on Myspace and have since moved on to bigger and better things as Myspace slowly began to become what I consider Daytona Beach during Spring Break. There is a certain " jiffy sto' " ickiness I feel when I sign in (yes I still have an account of course!) that I have been forced to focus all my time and energy into Facebooking. If you don't participate in either Myspace or Facebook then you might as well stop reading because you're lame! (or is it the other way around?). If you facebook religiously, then you will know up front that it's all about the status update, pictures, and the comments you generate by both your status update and pictures. Yea yea, you can write on peoples' walls and check out their personal info- but face it, we hardly do that--

I am serious when I say I have never felt such a variety of emotions from the written word. Nothing makes my blood boil more than an idiotic status on Facebook... in addition to those that are just plain entertaining, those that spark jealousy, comments that are made by the vain, the list goes on. I have come to realize that despite the superficial aspect of just saying what's going on in your life at that moment in time, there lies a deeper more intimate meaning whether you realize it or not. Chronic status updaters fall into different categories depending on the frequency of the update, message conveyed, conventions (mis)used, overall vibe, and/or comment conversations/debates they generate.

People who update their status every 15 minutes are annoying. Yes, you are. You are basically telling everyone that 1) you have no life, 2) you don't have a job, 3) you don't have many (if any) interpersonal relationships, and/or 4) you are trying too hard to give off the vibe that you lead an interesting life because you're so *busy*-- newsflash: You are probably a loser.

Category 2 involves those who have the majority of their updates referring to something they have... something they've bought...something that was bought for them...someplace fabulous they are....some place fabulous they're are going, or whatever is truly fabulous about THEM. This category has the tendency to entice the most comments from your groupies who "ooh and aaah" over how freaking fabulous you are- which of course, you LOVE and is the reason you post to begin with, right?

Category 3 includes those who post simply to start a buzz. Making a random political comment, an off color joke, insulting something that most people care about, yada yada yada. Either you are starved for attention (good or bad), or you are some nutcase who has off the wall beliefs in which case you, for some reason, enjoy making the whole world aware of. The crazies of the world are always the most vocal and obnoxious. Just look at Gator fans (no offense Gator friends teehee). Basically, you use your update privilege as a platform for your idiotic conflict/conversation starters because you have no life. Of course you are only idiotic if I happen to disagree.

Category 4 is just your random funny expression, observation on life at the moment, fodder for those who like to chuckle and move on. No real feeling or meaning behind any of it. A random food craving... a comment about some freak at your office, unruly customers, your stupid boss, looking forward to something...I love you the most. Thank you for keeping things superficial as they should be!

Category 5 is the weirdo category. Those comments that you read and just say "huh"? Perhaps poetic.... random (in a creepy weird way)... deep thoughts that aren't meant to be funny... there aren't that many of you (thank God), but we all know them- the *wannabe introspective* weirdos.

I'm sure there are others that I have forgotten or just not cared enough about to include, but this is a good start. Which category are you? Never mind, no need to say. I already know! Time to update my status.

The Price is Wrong, Bitch.

You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound... but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop.......... daytime television! Dip deep into the black hole of your memory and remember a time when getting to stay home "sick" from school was not only a rare happening, but a day cherished by vegging on the couch with free reign over the television and ice box. To this day when I think of staying home "sick" I immediately hear the Andy Griffith whistle playing over and and over in my mind- the show I only knew existed in the obscure world daytime television. As quickly as I remember the tune, I remember quickly changing the channel because I actually hated that show. Instead I would allow myself to become immersed in the fantasy land of daytime game shows. Among the upper echelon of this genre was of course, The Price is Right. While most awkward girls my age might fantasize about being one of the glamorous Barker Beauties, I instead dreamed of being that random audience member chosen by Rod Roddy because of my sparkling personality and/or uniquely designed homemade T-shirt expressing my love for Bob Barker and his skinny microphone. After all, he would love me too, impressed by my vast knowledge of the prices of toaster ovens and Cadillacs alike. The chance to dominate on plinko and win BOTH showcase showdowns were of course delusions of grandeur.....but they were nonetheless, MY delusions... delusions that now only exist in my memory.... delusions that I hoped to rekindle while staying home from school "sick" this week, but instead got a big fat idiot standing in the way of memory lane... that fat idiot being Drew Carey of course. I know I am like a year and a half late to this train wreck, but as I sat and watched Mr. Carey's despicable attempt in hosting a show that I hold so dear to my heart, I couldn't help but wonder why he thought he could fill the shoes of the greatest game show host of all time with his stupid laid back nonchalant demeanor, beady eyes, and patronizing phony giggles!! There is no connection between you and the guests Drew....there is no love, nobody wears a 'I heart Drew' shirt and nobody wants you holding that skinny microphone! It's all a CROCK!! A SHAM! A travesty to sick kids staying home from school everywhere!!! You are no Jay Peterman and you should be ashamed of yourself! That is all.